Casey (July)
Not knowing is scary.
I had two different cancers. My left breast was Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, very small, just 1mm in size. My right breast was Invasive Lobular Carcinoma, very large, 10cm in size. They were both ER/PR+, HER2-, and I had 15 positive lymph nodes. Stage 3C, they called it.
I was angry. I was 45 when diagnosed. I have had mammograms every year since 40. All of my mammograms never showed my largest cancer, the ILC in my right breast. It was never found. Even when you could clearly see the deformation on the outside of my breast, it still didn’t show up on the mammogram. It wasn’t until I had an MRI with contrast that it was seen. Then, on top of that, to have two different breast cancers? The smallest of small, they did see on the mammogram.
I had, and still have, lots of questions. I was scared and angry.
I had my good days, where I could do stuff, and my not-so-good days, where I literally couldn’t do anything. I prayed. I allowed myself to rest and not do anything, just like my doctors told me to do. And I allowed “the good poison” to take over and hopefully kill off the cancers that were trying to take me out.
Something about myself surprised me during this time. I had so much anxiety. I’m strong, but I had the hardest time pushing past the anxiety of it all. This is a journey I would never have planned for, and it’s been really hard on me, more than I would have thought. I’m not someone who typically has anxiety, but with this, it’s different. I’ve had times when I would just start to cry. I’ve had moments where I was having a hard time breathing and my chest would feel like it was closing in. I’ve had lows, I’ve had highs, and I’ve had times where everything feels good, and you’d never have a clue that anything is going on.
I had my DMX in May 2024. I started chemo in July 2024, 4 AC and 10 Taxol treatments, so six months total. Then I had 20 radiation treatments in December 2024. I’m on a hormone blocker for the next 10 years and another specialty medication for the next three years. With my cancer being hormone-based, these medications will hopefully help with recurrence. My goal is to have my reconstruction completed by the beginning of 2026.
B the Light reached out to me within the first week. I didn’t know then how much this organization would mean to me now. My office put together a wonderful gift basket and freezer meals. They have been wonderful with assisting, letting me do my treatments, go to doctor’s appointments, and cut my hours back while I fight this battle. So many friends, family, acquaintances, and even people I didn’t know reached out to me with cards, gift cards, meals, words of support, and so much more. There were many moments of unexpected kindness. So many friends and family did everything they could to show me, my husband, and my kids support. It makes my heart smile every time I think of it.
Ladies, you go yearly starting at 40 to get mammograms, sometimes earlier. Men, you don’t go in unless you notice a lump or something off, and even then, many don’t get checked. I was informed that the cancer in my right side could have been growing for “a decade plus.” Yup, you read that right. Ten years. I have so many questions. Why wasn’t it caught? How was the change not noticed, even after it was visible from the outside? How does imaging not catch it? All I know is that with dense breasts, the kind of cancer I had looks like the density throughout, so it’s harder to see. Even if I had questioned a lump, when the mammogram came back clear, I would have accepted that. I never would have thought that something so big could be missed in a 3D mammogram.
I was lucky to keep advocating for myself when something didn’t look or feel normal. I pushed to get the MRI, and that’s when they finally caught it. Clearly, imaging does not catch everything. Do your monthly checks. Seriously advocate for yourselves if you notice any change.
Being a survivor means I did it. I am doing it. I have a lot of life ahead of me, and I’m looking forward to it.
To someone who’s just been diagnosed, I can say this: you’ve never gone through something like this, and there’s no way to plan for it. I’m a true believer in prayer and a higher power watching over us, our Lord Jesus Christ. I also truly believe that everything happens for a reason, even when you don’t understand it.
I want to share this motto I’ve lived by for years. I even have a sign in my living room with it:
God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain,
but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
I’ve learned that being diagnosed with cancer doesn’t mean it’s the end. It’s been a blip in our lives, yes, a horrible one, it sucks. But I’ve learned so much from this horrible illness. It’s brought me a whole new perspective. I’ve always had my job as my #1, my family as my #2, and myself as my #3 in life. With my cancer diagnosis, I’ve allowed myself and my family to become #1 and #2, and my job now comes third. I’ve been allowed to cut back my hours at work, which has been wonderful. I get tired easily, so I typically work only four days a week, and having a three-day weekend has helped me focus more on my family, kids, traveling, and rejuvenating myself.
B the Light has been a savior in my journey. I’ve met some amazing ladies going through the same things as me, and all the fun activities we’ve gotten to be a part of have been seriously wonderful.
Keep on keepin’ on. Stay positive, even in the hard times. You just never know when your life can be turned upside down. Make the best of it, and live life to the fullest.